We get a lot of comments and questions from strangers and friends when they realise we have four children. The questions often revolve around how we are raising our four kids. My responses to them get better day by day, from a shy smile to acknowledging the happiness and the throes involved.
I have decided to write to post, not only because I am too lazy to repeat myself all the time, but also to fine-tune my replies and hopefully throw in more positive vibes into what I say.
These are the usual comments and questions I receive.
It is so rare to see a family with four children in Singapore these days!
Oh yes! I have some friends with 4 or more children, so I always thought that families with 4 or more kids are not so rare. Have you watched Full House? There are families with more than five children too. Missed the show? Watch the first episode of On the Red Dot – Full House here.
You know what? I am wrong. According to Singstat, only 5% of females (Singaporeans and PRs) aged between 40 to 49 years old have 4 or more children! Most families have two kids. So it is uncommon to have more than three kids after all.
Are the twins naturally conceived? You and your hubby must really love children to make so many.
I try my very best not to roll my eyes when I receive this crude question. We already have two children, and it is not necessary to go through IVF for more children. IVF is not only expensive, but it is potentially a painful process.
Is having twins hereditary in your family?
Having twins do run in my family. I have two sets of twin cousins, and one of them has twins too. But while there is a genetic link to having fraternal twins in the family, monozygotic (identical) twinning appears to be a random event. So conceiving identical twins is just sheer luck for us.
Are you a Catholic?
No, I am not. Although I have a poor understanding of the Catholic Church’s teachings on contraception, I am aware that the Church does not allow birth control.
You have so many kids. How do you do it all?
I cannot do it all, and I mess up occasionally. I forget the children’s spelling dates; I don’t follow their medication schedule when they fall sick; they get no breakfast once in a while.
I am thankful that we can afford a live-in helper. Otherwise, I may already be facing depression. Imagine four kids under 8 with a frequent flyer husband. I am not a superwoman, and I have no intention to prove to anyone that I am one.
How do you tell the twins apart?
The twins are identical. I could not tell them apart during their first month. My hubby did a much better job. To differentiate them, I painted a toenail of the elder twin immediately after we brought them home. Another way to tell them apart is to look at their ears. T2 has a folded ear. She wore an ear mold for several weeks to correct the fold. Read the post here if you are interested to know more about the correction.
As they grow older, they develop unique features. Now, T1 has chubbier cheeks with a mole on her chin. T2 has a taller build and browner hair.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Boi3h7VHnck/?taken-by=melissatanps
Do you get any rest with four kids?
Honestly no. A couple of people commented that I have a helper at home, so I should have time to go shopping and enjoy coffee in Starbucks.
Sensitive friends and relatives can tell that I have almost zero me-time at the moment. Screen time happens when I lay down on the bed to nurse them. Quiet moments to blog typically happens after 11 pm when the four children fall asleep.
Recently I find the opportunity to get back to yoga when I bring the twins to the playground. They are independent enough to keep themselves occupied at the playground, before running away in different directions. Pockets of 5 minutes are good enough for some simple flows for now.
I am still not getting uninterrupted sleep. The twins are not sleeping through the night. Maybe I am doing a lousy job in getting them some restful sleep. Sometimes, I wake up every 1 hour as both toddlers stir and wake every 2 hours.
It’s okay. All these are temporary. I am sure that in many years to come, I will miss the endless nursing and cuteness that will no longer exist.
You may be interested in:
My self-care journey during my babies’ first year (part 1) – mental health
My self-care journey during my babies’ first year (part 2) – physical health
Raising four kids has strengthened all of us
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnsm63kny9G/?taken-by=melissatanps
Do you have enough breast milk to nurse the twins? Omg, you are still nursing them?! When will you stop?
No, I did not have enough breast milk to nurse the twins. My supply is just sufficient for one baby, and I am cool about it. See my earlier post here on surviving my first month with four kids at home. I am still nursing them today, and my helper often comments that the nursing is dessert time for them. I guess so too. They are nursing for comfort and are not ready to wean off.
When will I stop nursing them? I don’t know. I am a new full-time mother with no experience in weaning the kids while staying at home. I have no chance of going away for a couple of days. Even my experienced mother is apprehensive looking after my twins overnight. I tell myself to be patient; they will wean off when they are ready. According to the experts, this may happen when they are between two and a half years old to three years old, just in time for preschool.
My elder daughter weaned off breast milk when she was eight months old. It was just too exhausting for me to carrying on with expressing breast milk while working into the evening every night.
You must have made a tremendous sacrifice. When are you going back to work?
I don’t feel like I am making any huge sacrifice most of the time.
But I am human after all. I have feelings. Once in a while, I feel that staying at home to look after the kids is a thankless job, especially when no one appreciates what I do, or when no one lends me their listening ear.
There are also days where I want to dress up and look pretty, go for a solitary vacation to take a short break away from the kids. Unfortunately, the logistic at home does not allow me to do so for the time being.
Going back to work is currently at the back of my mind now, as I firmly believe that the well-being of the children is co-related to the mental presence of at least one adult at home. It is not just about feeding them, cleaning them and ensuring that they stay safe. It is about character building, teaching them the right values and giving them a shoulder to lean on when needed.
Wow, four kids and a single income! Your husband must be earning big bucks!
It is a huge adjustment for us. We were a double income family with two kids. We ate out often, and we travelled a lot to faraway places.
With the arrival of the twins and surviving on only a single income, our income per capita fell by a whopping 75%. We scrape through by using hand-me-downs. We dine at home most of the time, and we make do with short trips to nearby countries, i.e. Malaysia and Batam (Indonesia).
Finger cross for now. I hope we will never need tuition and hubby’s job remains secure.
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